The Dysfunctional Crush

Today's secret comes from a beautiful mind and a heavy conscience, as exhibited by the secret the source submitted. This secret was sent in as a story about a secret crush gone array, and yes, folks, the story is true.

I hope you enjoy. (I know I did!!!):

I grew up in what felt like a loving home to those looking in. But what occurred behind closed doors, obviously stayed there (if you no not what I speak of). Plain and simple, my family is way more dysfunctional than you can imagine. (Sigh.) Basically, my mother wasn't treated as a woman should be treated. Hence, my addiction.

I am addicted to making girls feel emotions they need too. Being that gentleman to females who come across my path, making them feel like they could bare all and trust me. I kept a smile on there faces like a man is supposed to. And I was only 17.

I'm addicted to giving girls in need of attention all the love and affection that my mom was missing. It centered me and felt more and more like a duty. But if you notice, I always say girls, females, and women. This is because all of them went through this phase. They called me Mr. Right, enjoyed me to the fullest extent, and ran when they felt like someone in the world loved them...me.

Because of my runaways, I began to believe that females are liars. I thought they all dreamt of and wanted something they really couldn't handle: The perfect guy who could please their every need and would do anything for them at the drop of a hat.

Ugh...

But, that's not my secret. In all this madness of playing Dr. Phil, there was one. One girl who was equally as perfect as me. Only problem was I still had that mental block. But I knew she was perfect in every way. She had a glow to her for no reason. A smile that could light up anyone while they were in their darkest mind state. A walk that felt more like a fearless forward march into whatever was to come than a simple strut.

I think you understand.

With this girl, there was nothing to fix. She never had drama in her life. She hung with the right crowd of people. She had loving parents. She was smart and gifted. What was there to fix? She didn't need me.

Since I couldn't find a problem, she ended up being nothing more than a crush. A person needing no assistance in life. She was just right, so I left her alone. I left her alone, while at the same time putting her on my trophy cabinet because I knew she was perfect thanks to me, in a sense. Since I left her alone, she remained perfect in my eyes.

...But, of coarse this story has it's weird ending twist.

At graduation, my miss perfect came in her white dress and heels with the same walk and smile I'd come to admire her for, but there was something different this time: A bulge in her stomach area.

Now, this made no sense to me because she was single all throughout high school. She wasn't social enough to be with a group of people who would lead her down that path. And I had gym with her, so I saw that she stayed in shape. So, I thought to myself, in a way, I'm doing it again right now. What if I would've talked to her and looked deeper into what she may have been hiding? What if I would've not thrown her on my trophy shelf as early in the game as I did? What if we were made for each other and she too had a dysfunctional family?

What if...

Next post will be on Monday, Dec. 6, 2010.

See you, then!!!

To submit your secret for posting, send an email to secrets@sheshenapledger.net. All secrets will be posted anonymously in either the context of a story drafted by Sheshena or to the submitters request.

---